Disclaimer: This post focuses on the care of the spirit and soul when dealing with depressive disorders. For those of you on medications to treat mood, anxiety, and other psychiatric disorders, please consult your physician and follow his or her guidance regarding your medical treatment. As a psychiatrist, I know that medications are crucial to stabilizing the effects of many mental disorders. What I am sharing with you in this blog post can be used in conjunction with what your doctor has recommended for your treatment. As human beings, we consist of a body, a soul, and a spirit. Each aspect of ourselves is impacted when we struggle with depression, and I believe each of us can minister to our body, soul, and spirit when we are depressed.
Please note: If you have any thoughts of hurting yourself or others, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! Please seek help at your nearest hospital emergency room.
Christians struggle with disorders of the mind and brain just as they struggle with disorders of the body. Our faith in God does not exempt us from the painful moments of life. We live in a broken world and broken bodies are a part of this world – until our Savior returns. One day, God will fully restore His creation and there will be no more brokenness and pain. And yet for now, we can live abundant lives, even if we struggle with bumps in the road now and then. We can also live abundant lives even if we struggle with chronic illness, whether it is mental illness or illness in other parts of our body.
An abundant life is not a life that is care-free or a life without sadness and its challenges. It is life lived in the service of the Kingdom of God. God does not require my perfection for me to serve Him. God just needs my willing heart. He will handle the rest.
The promises of the Bible speak to us in our struggles, whether we live with them on a day-to-day basis or whether they come to us from time to time.
I want to share with you my personal experience. And before I do, I want to give you a context about the words I use to describe my periods of depression or sadness. I speak about the “voice” of depression in my own life, and as a psychiatrist, I understand that when a person is suffering from psychosis, he or she often speaks about the voice or voices they hear. There are many theories about where in the brain these voices come from, but they are usually experienced by the sufferer as coming from outside of his or her head. They are experienced as coming from “out there.” When I speak about the “voice” of depression in my life, I am referring to the negative self-talk I give to myself. I am speaking about the “voices” of my community or culture that told me in multiple ways I was not good enough. And unfortunately, for years, I internalized those voices and attitudes which caused me to doubt my worth as a person.
So now, I will begin to share some of my story. I have had a rough past couple of weeks. Things had been brewing for some time, but I had been able to keep them at bay. I have been using this “shelter in place” time during the pandemic as my opportunity to deepen my walk with God and to listen to the cries of my heart. I have been examining my relationships and grieving some losses as well. Then it all came to a head, and I plunged into sadness. The grief over lost loved ones, the broken dreams I had for myself, and the challenges that life inevitably brings, took me to a place I had not seen for quite a while.
If you have ever experienced depression, you know how painful it is. For many, depression can last for months and even years. I am no stranger to depression. It has reared its ugly head in my life several times over the years. Depression is the voice that tells me that I have no voice. It is the chorus that sings loudly that I have no value or worth. It is the voice of the enemy of my soul that tells me to give up, because “What’s the point in trying? Nobody wants to hear what you have to say anyway.”
Depression messes with your sleep and your appetite. It makes you forgetful and you can’t concentrate. It steals your joy, and far too often your hope and peace. Depression lies to you and tells you your life isn’t worth living.
Depression is complicated. It is brought on by a series of events and losses, and sometimes, it just shows up uninvited, for no particular reason at all. Depression reminds you of painful life experiences, and somehow blames you, even if you were simply the victim.
Depression is the voice of guilt and shame.
Last week, depression told me I didn’t have a voice and that God has no further use for me.
And last week, in the midst of many life events, topped with a hefty dose of spiritual warfare – I began to listen.
I began to believe the lie that God can only use me in my strengths, and not my weaknesses. Then it taunted me, telling me I have no strengths. I began to believe that lie that God can only use me in my perfection, so I must shut up until that time when I am perfect and complete.
I have always struggled with feeling invisible, and depression seems to shout my invisibility from the mountaintops.
Yet, in the midst of my sadness, I cried out to God. I ran to the Psalms, and I prayed God’s Word over my life. “O Most High, when I am afraid, I put my trust in You… You have kept count of my tossings and put my tears in Your bottle.” Ps. 56:2b,8. “I cry to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.” Ps. 57:2 “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the end of the earth I call unto You, when my heart is faint.” Ps. 61:1-2 “I am weary with my crying; my throat is parched, my eyes grow dim waiting for my God… But as for me, my prayer is to You, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of Your steadfast love, answer me.” Ps. 69: 3,13.
Depression attacks me, in body, soul, and spirit. The Word of God comforts me and gives me hope. It helps me to hold on in the midst of overwhelming pain. I am also called to minister to my weary body and soul. I nurture my body by feeding it good things – good healthy food and plenty of water. I nurture my body by slowing down and resting, because my body is calling me to rest. I nurture my body by moving it and exposing it to the beauty of nature. I even took a luxuriant Epsom salt bubble bath and listened to worship music. I listened and I sang, and sang and listened, and slowly I felt my spirit lifting as I worshiped my God.
I minister to my soul by acknowledging the areas of loss, trauma, and grief in my own life. Not one of us gets through life without painful moments. And, for many, these painful moments and traumas wreak havoc in our lives in this present moment. I acknowledge my painful life journey and I choose to be gentle with myself as I heal. I recognize that healing is not a linear process, it is filled with hills and valleys. And there are times when I think I’ve gotten over a thing and it reappears for me to continue my work on it.
Healing the body, the soul, and the spirit may often require the assistance of others. Those companions on the journey who God has gifted with the ability minister to each aspect of you. Seeking the care of a psychiatrist, a therapist, a primary care physician or internist to assist in the care of your body and soul, are important. Just as seeking the care of a pastor and spiritual director in caring for and nurturing your spirit. Healing is a process that is done well in community. This is why it is so important to have your tribe, those who are of like mind and spirit who will journey with you.
It took me many years before I sought the help of a counselor to help me navigate my own painful life issues. I look back on my life now and I wonder how many lives I impacted by my own personal pain. I am grateful for my healing journey. Like my life, it has been complicated. Yet, every time sadness inches its way into my life, it challenges me to believe:
- The TRUTH that God will use me in my strengths, and my weaknesses. And yes, I have both!
- The TRUTH that God will use my imperfections to point others to the Perfect God who loves them perfectly and unconditionally.
- The TRUTH that I am seen by Him, and no matter how small my calling may appear to be in the Kingdom, my role is necessary. I realize the TRUTH that God sees me and loves me, even if the world does not.
I speak to myself, “If God is for me, who can be against me.” Romans 8:31. And even when I feel most unlovable, I remind myself that nothing, not one thing, can separate me from the love of God revealed to me in the life, suffering, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ! My Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, went to the cross for me. He died for me so that I may live in Him – and live my life to the fullest in Him.
What is the enemy of your soul telling you in your darkest times? From the beginning he has beguiled and deceived humankind with his, “Has God said…?” Genesis 3:1. How is he distorting God’s Word and God’s promises to you? Most days, you can see him as the liar he is, but sometimes, when life begins to pile up, when disappointments and grief overwhelm you, you begin to listen to those lies.
I encourage you to cry out to your God and run to His Word. Take your medicine and run to His Word. Exercise and eat healthy foods and run to His Word. Rest in Him and run to His Word. Get godly counsel and run to His Word. Cry with your closest friends and run to His Word. Weeping may endure for a night (or quite a few) but God’s joy will come!
“For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; and I Shall Not Be Shaken.” Ps. 62:5-6
