As I sit in my favorite space during this winter season, I have quieted my soul and spirit to receive all God has for me. There is a tree outside my window that has been shedding leaves for the past few months. I noticed, as autumn progressed, that there were a few leaves that stubbornly remained on that tree. Despite the rain, wind, and sun beating down on it, that tree would not let go of those leaves!

As I watched this tree, I began to reflect on the things we hold onto, despite the fact that God is trying to do a new thing in our lives. This morning, that tree was completely bare! The last remnants of this past season were released, and the tree is now fully exposed to God and His transforming work.

As I looked at (what appears to be) the barren tree, with its branches outstretched to God in the cold and snow, the Lord revealed something about me to me!

I am like that tree, holding on to things that I refused to allow God to fully transform. Yes, I have gone through the motions of giving them to God, but deep inside, I clung to them. I was holding on to past assumptions about myself. Past dreams of how I thought my life should be. Disappointments. Unresolved hurts and traumas. Old resentments and unforgiveness, people and my expectations of them…

I know I have been holding on to these things, because my heart and my bathroom scale told me so. I have been trying to lose some weight (again!), and after taking off a few pounds, I put it all on again. I was clinging to things I thought I gave to God.

We all do it. We hold onto things that don’t benefit us anymore, but we have become comfortable with them. And change is difficult.

What do you use to protect yourself from your internalized pain? That pain of rejection, or abandonment, or of feeling invisible and unworthy? Some of us surround ourselves with excess weight, piles of possessions, a sense of arrogance, or even self-deprecation. Some of us surround ourselves with activities or people, yet we still feel empty inside.

I invite you to ponder those things you find difficult to let go of. Think about how this impacts your body, your relationships with others, with yourself, and with God.

Can we release those things we have used to protect ourselves, and place them into the hand of God?

God has been inviting me to shake those leaves off. They are weighty and yet I have been unconsciously holding on to them. My body reveals this in the weight I am holding onto. My soul reveals the heaviness I carry in the discouragement I too easily succumb to. And, my spirit becomes weary at times, as I wait on God’s transforming work in me.

It takes a lot of effort to hold onto that which the Lord is inviting us to release. Effort that could be expended by doing the work to become a better me.

I share some of my journey with you not because I am looking for affirmation from others. I know that I am the Beloved of God, (and so are you!) and God’s affirmation is enough! I know I am doing what the Lord has called me to do; it just looks different than I imagined.

I share my vulnerabilities with you because I am still on my own healing journey, even as I walk with and encourage others to do their own healing and walk in their calling. As fellow pilgrims in the life of faith, we are called to rejoice with one another and to weep with one another. The Christian life is a life of service, sacrifice, authenticity, and vulnerability before God and one another.

We all hold onto things that God is inviting us to release. The Lord will not force us, but sometimes His invitations become more evident when life comes at us hard. In our good times, we tell God in our words and actions, “Lord, I got this! You can handle the other stuff I gave You.” Yet, at some point, if we are walking with God, we have to become vulnerable enough to give Him the hidden parts of ourselves. Those things that don’t put us in the best light. Those things that reveal we are not in control. We forget that God already knows us fully and completely. We forget He knows everything about us.

Our Heavenly Father is giving us the opportunity to bare ourselves before Him. To become unapologetically naked before Him. Our healing is not a linear process. It is cyclical like the seasons. It takes place within the rhythms and circumstances of our lives. Seasons of growth and productivity, and seasons of letting go and of inner awakenings. I do know that my body and spirit will respond when I choose to bare my soul before my Lord and Savior and do the work of healing. The walls we build to protect ourselves will crumble like the walls of Jericho when we yield ourselves to God in obedience to Him.

“Lord, I give all of me to You. As the psalmist says, ‘The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.’ (Psalm 51:17) Heal all of me, especially those parts I stubbornly hold onto. Those parts of me that are ugly and in need of healing. Remove the idols from my life, no matter what form they take. You are Gracious, Merciful, and Loving. Transform me, in the winter of my life, so that when spring comes, I will burst forth in the Newness of Life! In JESUS” Name I Pray.

AMEN.